New Age Quixote

At my sixth grade graduation, we sang “The Impossible Dream.” I remember my eyes tearing up, my voice wobbling, my whole heart swelling in compassion for poor mad Don Quixote. He could not help but tilt at windmills.
This last month, planning this Web site, writing its first pages, I have felt the strange burn of Don Quixote’s madness. I wake at five or earlier, cannot stay asleep, so great is my desire to be at the computer. I read at night until my eyes give up on me. So much to do and so few hours!
This task I have set for myself, or rather, this task that has grabbed hold of me, I have no idea if it is crazy or sane. Oh I tell myself it is my destiny, my purpose (music swells here). But I have no idea the souirce – spirit or my little lonely ego. I just don't know. They say you’re supposed to know, because you feel all light and energized and things just magically fall into place.
But I wouldn't call what I feel energized -- more like fevered and driven and scared and excited and aren’t those ego droppings? I know it has to be my threatened ego that’s whispering in my ear: This is stupid, no one cares, you are making a fool of yourself. No one, absolutely no one but me, wants to be New Age any more.
Even when I tell people the name of the site, I feel a twist of embarrassment, give a little laugh -- because I am revealing myself to be a clueless cornball egotist, the champion of a movement long ago declared dead.
The poor thing, I imagine people saying. Or the compassionate people anyway, the ones that aren’t laughing themselves silly.
I don’t watch TV much, don’t watch the news, or read newspapers, just a few news magazines here and there, so I have no qualifications or information to put me in touch with the spiritual pulse of the nation. I have only the feelings swirling around in my heart—
As soon as I ignore the voice in my head and listen to my heart, I feel that I cannot be the only one who feels the urge to bust out of this life of passivity, I cannot be the only one on the verge of screaming down the walls of --- what? I am not sure exactly who or what I need to scream at, I think perhaps it is just the energy gathering in me, the energy that is finally allowing me to get off my ass and choose something to do. I do not think this Web site is my one and only task to undertake. But it is a public commitment to beginning…